Success
In a materialistic world, success is based on academics, career, house, or the kind of car you drive. But, as Christians, we know the measure of success is eternal life with our Heavenly Father.
This is something I’ve been mulling over lately, especially ‘success’ as a young adult with high functioning autism. The kind of autism that people’s first reaction is always ‘but he looks normal’.
Luke is our youngest and today is celebrating his 24th birthday!!!! He LOVES people, has a heart for serving and he will serve wherever he is needed. But, he has struggled most of his life. He has been to countless therapists, doctors and special education teachers over the years. There have been countless prescribed medications, diet changes, chiropractor and natural paths. He’s been expelled for inappropriate behavior and he fought some of the meanest bullies.
We were told by professionals that he was immature, learning disabilities, ADHD, we moved to much, to many personal deaths & hardships and because his birth father abandoned him. As a child all of those seemed reasonable explanations, but as Luke got older, the differences between he and his friends became more and more obvious.
As a teen Luke had issues with inappropriate boundaries especially with girls. He had LOTS of girl ‘friends’ but we noticed if they, as most girls do these days, said ‘love ya Luke’ he mistook as I am ‘in love’ with you. For an autistic person, everything is very literal. He doesn’t understand sarcasm or take a ‘hint’ From many girls perspective the friendship quickly appeared to be creepy/stalking because in his mind, they loved him.
When Luke was 20 and had graduated as a diesel mechanic but couldn’t hold a job, we knew there were bigger issues. Luke was always terminated from his jobs because he couldn’t multi-task, inappropriate personal boundaries or excessive anger as the result of being bullied. We knew the childhood excuses no longer made sense. His friends were maturing and acting age appropriate but Luke was noticeably falling behind.
It didn’t take long before Luke was spending hours with psychologists and eventually diagnosed with autism. As parents, we went through stages of overwhelming sadness, guilt and then relief. At least now we had something to work with. As Mark and I spent months researching about autism, the missing pieces all began to make sense. I’m thankful for the person who said it’s ok to grieve because in many ways, for us, it was like a death of our hopes and dreams for him. Now before y’all point out folks who ‘have it so much worse’, I fully understand, I’ve had a child pass away far to soon. And my heart breaks for parents who’s children can’t communicate or show affection. No matter what our journey, we need time to adjust.
The year autism was given a ‘name’ was 1994, the same year Luke was born. Now, society has an abundance of young adults who have no access to affordable services that could help them become active participants in society. Many young adults with autism deal with depression, higher risks of gut diseases like Crohn’s. Some don’t know how to deal when overwhelmed. With Luke, it’s either fight or flight. Every young person with autism is different, but in Luke’s case, he’s more successful with supervision or being part of a team environment. He wants to belong, just like everyone else.
Last month Luke raked, cut branches and burned the debris after an unusually cold Southern Louisiana winter. He works at a slower pace then many, but is steady.
It made me chuckle when he suggested I sit outside and blog so I could get some fresh air. I’ve learned that’s his way of saying ‘I’m lonely and would appreciate if you’d hang out with me’ lol.
After much decision and praying, our daughter Rachel and her husband Brody moved Luke into their home last month. They live an hour from us so it’s an adjustment because he was surrounded with friends and support from our church family. Thankfully he very quickly got a job at a busy seafood restaurant. Rach and Brody have a much bigger house and lets face it, nobody really WANTS to live with their parents at 24!!!
We have great prayers that someday Luke will live independently. He may never have a high paying job and will always need assistance with his finances. But he loves children and animals, he’s NEVER late, OCD about vacuuming, taking trash out, dishes and laundry. He can become overwhelmed easily if asked to do 2 or 3 tasks at a time so appreciates lists he can check off or repetitive work. He likes to do groceries and gets only what’s on the list, no extras which is great for the budget. I’ve never carried groceries when Luke’s around, he cooks decently, washes windows, power washes and will help anyone in need. He’s blessed to be a natural caregiver whether it’s with the elderly or the very sick (he teases I’m both so he’s had lots of experience over the years … brat!!!!)
So as I sat here thinking about the struggles, heartbreak and disappointments we’ve experienced over the years, I can’t help but savor the successes along the way. God choice ME to be Luke’s Momma. Have I been a perfect Mom? Nope! But he’s definitely strengthened me, stretched me, tenderized me, scared the heck out of me countless times, angered me to point I was sure my head would explode, made me laugh until I cried and cried until I laughed… challenged me constantly and yet we’ve survived another year!
We don’t know what Luke’s long term future will look like but I pray he finds an abundance of love and acceptance along the way. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY!!! We believe God has big plans for your life
